She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the day after is always just damage control
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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