matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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