i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
