i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize