lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
