were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
