I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
