We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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