i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
