Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
