Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
