Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
