wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
