Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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