Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
