ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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