NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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