She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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