It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
