if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
