You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
