No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
