I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
