it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize