whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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