if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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