And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
