matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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