Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
