Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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