i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
