i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize