I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
