That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
