I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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