is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
