You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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