I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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