i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
