god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
