Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
