Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize