girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize