smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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