Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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