She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
