Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
