I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
