You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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