your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
