I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
