Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
