I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
