Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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