I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
