just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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