Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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