we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Terrible idea I love it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
