im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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