Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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