Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
