WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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