I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
