Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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