And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
