I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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