It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
