She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
