so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I skipped work to stalk him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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