My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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