My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are the jesus of drinking
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
