How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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