I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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