Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
