Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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