This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
