I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
